Expanded Thoughts or: How I Learned To Stop Procrastinating And Love The Blog

I'm working on a couple of ideas for full-length posts, but until I stop and write them, you'll just have to deal with another stupendous edition of Expanded Thoughts, with MadChops! Shall we? (We shall.)

—This diet is doing good things. I'm eating healthier and smarter, I'm losing weight, and I'm feeling good. Wednesday marked 10 lbs. loss since my official start date (13.5-15.5 lbs. since the unofficial). Thanksgiving scares me though. So does the pizza party that's just been planned for the Friday after. This is where I up the exercise and control how much I eat.

—The Green Lantern trailer leaked. I'll link to it/embed it once there's a high quality version available sometime this weekend. I'm glad we're seeing it so early, because if this was closer to release, I'd be worried. CG is a blessing and a curse and you really see that here, particularly at the end. On the other side, Kilowog looked awesome. So did Abin Sur, Sinestro, and Hector Hammond. Still looking forward to this in big ways.

And here it is! I couldn't imbed it, so the link goes to Quicktime's site, which has several HD versions: http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/wb/greenlantern/

—That wasn't the only trailer to come out this week. We finally got a look at Jon Favreau's secretive Cowboys and Aliens. In case those words don't get you excited, let me introduce a few more: James Bond. Han Solo. Olivia Wilde. Cowboys. Aliens. Favreau does amazing things with genres that could just as easily cheese out. But when you take the story seriously, like with Iron Man, you can get great results. Jon, I've added this to my anticipated movies.

—You probably thought that after Cowboys and Aliens, I was done with trailer talk. You were, as it turns out, totally wrong. Because you see, the red band trailer for David Gordon Green's Your Highness came out a day or so ago. In case you have no idea, it's about James Franco and Danny McBride in the middle ages. They may or may not be stoned. Also, supreme-crush Zooey Deschanel as Franco's wife-to-be and Natalie Portman as a badass not afraid to show off her ass. To me, it looks as funny and nonsensical as Pineapple Express, which I loved.



—I'm re-reading Jurassic Park. But this time it's with the critical, editorial eye I developed the last few years at UNCW. Don't get me wrong, I adore the book and love the story, but it would take months to cut out all the superfluous words, monologues, and get the dialogue into something that resembles the way people communicate with each other.  All the references to dinosaurs as lizards, too, and their flicking tongues (they're a type of reptile, but not the type you're familiar with). It's still a blast to read, flaws and all. If only I could watch Return of the Jedi and The Last Crusade with the same mentality.

—Glee is at its finest when it is dealing with the students. When they have the A storyline, the show kicks ass. See last week's episode. When the teachers have the A storyline, I get annoyed. See this week's episode. And I sure as hell can't understand why every single song on this episode had a teacher singing with the students. This is not a show about an eclectic group singing a musical. It's about a high school glee club. The adults should rarely, if ever, be singing with the kids in performances. The adult cast is full of great support characters, but their issues should not be the forefront unless it directly affects the glee club. Yeesh.

—Comic Book Movie News Time! Denis Leary is the latest edition to Marc Webb's Spider-Man movie, in the role of Gwen Stacy's father, Capt. Stacy. Tom Hardy has been cast in Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight Rises, but we don't have any idea as to who he'll play. Maybe Dr. Hugo Strange, maybe Croc. Maybe neither. There's also two female roles open: one to play a love interest, and the other a villain. Darron Aronofsky's The Wolverine will begin shooting in April of next year. I stand firm that I will not purchase another ticket for a FOX-produced comic book movie.

—I'm done saying anything after you sneeze. There's plenty of origins for "God bless you" after a sneeze and not a one makes any singular type of sense. Some think it originated during the plague and sneezing was a symptom. Could be people thought your soul was escaping and the devil might've found a way into you. Either way, it's old, archaic, and to me, foolishly outdated as a tradition. Sneezing is something our body does. It's extraordinary in its unextraordinarily commonness. So don't think me rude when I say nothing after you sneeze. Just think me crotchety and grumpy about traditions no one thinks to examine.

—I have to say it again: Community is one of the best comedies on TV right now. There's no excuse not to watch it. Old Chevy Chase as a racist? Yes please. Donald Glover on a regular basis? Heck yes. Alison Brie in the occasional cleavage revealing sweater? Say no more! It's also uproarious and well-written. But that's minor in comparison to Alison Brie's cleavage.

—Freddie Mercury was the last great front man. He may very well be the best. Do you think there's one better? Let me know, because I'd love to hear a case for someone else.

—Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 came out. I didn't see it at midnight. This breaks my heart in terrible ways. I'm hoping for a Sunday showing. But it may have to wait until after work Monday. I need some nerds up here.

Expanded Thoughts: The Regular New Edition

—I've always wanted to be in a female-fronted band. Recently, I've been listening to a ton of Stars, Rilo Kiley, Feist, Regina Spektor, No Doubt. The sung female voice holds something in me hostage. I can't explain it, I just know that it hits me in a different way than a male voice. But again, I couldn't tell you about the difference, just that it exists. It's rather abstract. Maybe you get it, without the proper words to explain it.

—The midterm election has come and gone. Republicans took the House and gained seats in the Senate. Prop. 19 was defeated, but so was Prop. 23. I hope things go the way they have in the past, especially during the Clinton administration: President Obama gets a second term, and we see the economy continue its climb. What will we see? A lot of bullshit political posturing. Republicans have made it known if they gained the House they'd investigate the Obama administration. For what, you ask? Whatever they can imagine. They'll work to repel health care reform, according to Rep. John Boehner, the soon-to-be Speaker of the House. I'm sure my parents will appreciate that since I'm scheduled to hop back on their health care come January thanks to the reforms. It'll be an interesting few years, that's for sure.

—How did the Republicans win? Turns out the Democrats didn't really believe in the things they accomplished. I mean, if they did, why weren't the immediate benefits of health care reform touted? How come the tax cuts of the stimulus package were hardly mentioned, if at all? Why wasn't this graph shown on major news networks, or in campaign commercials? Where was the backbone of the Democratic Party? Unfortunately, it was nonexistent. Maybe two years will shape them up.

—And for my final (maybe) political rant: Two parties does not work. It hasn't worked in decades. Every election cycle, the party talking points come out, and it's always the same. Real Libertarians need attention. So do Independents and members of the Green Party. Why these aren't considered serious in the political system drives me crazy. You get a better media narrative when it's the same two parties against each other, and I imagine it's easier for lobbyists to buy-off a politician when they have a big (D) or (R) next to their name. My pal David argues that the introduction of a third party means someone who didn't get a true majority of votes could be elected (that sure sounds like the 2000 election to me). But they would have a majority of the votes cast, and I'm OK with that. I guess now's as good a time as any for third parties to really get their names out there.

—Growing up frightens me, and everyone else, I think. All of a sudden, I'm going to be working 40 hours a week. I'll be paying off my student loans starting Dec. 4. Soon after, there'll be a car payment and insurance. Eventually, rent and utilities again. Then it's a house payment. An engagement ring, diapers, baby food, strollers, doctor's appointments, clothes, birthday parties, more insurance, another car, tuition, etc., etc. See how quickly it can spiral out of control? People I graduated high school with have kids. Several. Good friends have gotten or are getting married. Kids I went to middle school with, that I knew in 3rd grade have kids and a ring. That's what I see, and I don't know how to respond.

—I've had a surprisingly hard time getting into a couple of books. I won't reveal titles because I'm not trying to lose friends, but know that I'm as surprised as you would be if I were brave enough to say which books they are. Taking a break from them is about all I can do, and I hope in a few weeks I've got the urge to restart them. I don't think it's my attention span, or lack thereof. I wish it were that simple.

—The Walking Dead finally premiered on AMC, and what a show it was. It pulled in 8.3 million viewers. Wow. Want to read more of what I think of it? Of course you do! Well, head over to Among The Walking Dead! David, Chase, and myself will be doing write-ups, recaps, op-eds, massages, and conversating about the series after each episode airs. Make it your new home for The Walking Dead based opinions.

—Everything about Sony's reboot of the Spider-Man franchise has sounded like webbing to my ears. Wait, what? That analogy makes no sense. Can we move past it and pretend it didn't happen? Thanks. First bit of good news: they want to take the story to high school. Second bit of good news: Marc Webb of the amazing, spectacular, astonishing, friendly neighborhood (500) Days of Summer will direct it. Third bit: Andrew Garfield as Peter Parker and (spoiler alert!) Spider-Man. Fourth bit: Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy. AWESOME. But there's more, webheads! Rhys Ifans will play Dr. Curt Connors and the Lizard. It's about time we get to see him on the big screen. And just announced today: Martin Sheen as Uncle Ben! AND Sally Field as Aunt May. With such great casting, it's hard not to wonder who they'll get for Green Goblin or Harry or Kraven or Doc Ock, Mary Jane, Eddie Brock, J. Jonah Jameson, Betty, and on and on and on! They are doing it right, friends.

—Sorry to bring politics back up, but some news came out Thursday about former-President Bush, and I'm not sure which is worse. He admits in his memoirs that he did order waterboarding. Now, depending on your humanity, you see waterboarding as torture. In fact, the United States of America, back in the '40s, thought of waterboarding as torture when the Japanese used it against American troops. So adamant was the USA that it was torture that Japanese soldiers were tried for war crimes for waterboarding. Fast forward 60 years, and apparently we're a-OK with NOT prosecuting an admitted war criminal for war criming. Classy. But not as classy as this: Bush feels that Kanye West's outburst over the federal government's response to Katrina was the lowest point in his presidency. Not the murder of over 3,000 innocent civilians on 9/11, not allowing a city to drown, not lying constantly about Iraq, not torture, the worst deficit in history, or the collapse of the economy. None of that compared to Kanye's insinuation, if not blatant naming, that Bush was racist. Sometimes I'm not sure if George Walker Bush is a bumbling idiot, evil mastermind, or plainly tragic. I'm a very empathetic person, but the man makes it so hard.

—Not watching Community? Start! The show rocks. Definitely one of the best 3 comedies on TV.

—So, last week was kind of a scrimmage for my diet. During said scrimmage, I lost about 10 pounds. Then Halloween weekend happened. Yikes. I started it for reals on Monday, beginning at 212.5. I'm at 209 right now and was here yesterday, too. I'm adjusting what I eat/when I eat as I see different results. Big giant thanks to Bobby, Zac, Cindy, Beth, and Hope for good ideas on getting myself back into shape! You're all awesome.

—I'll be posting my weight every morning on Twitter if you want to keep tabs at home. I won't judge you for being a little creepy. Don't have Twitter? Check out the little Twitter box on the right-hand side of my blog!

—I got my hair trimmed on Thursday. On discussing blow-drying and its effect on my hair, my hairdresser said, "If I blow it, it'll get big, ya know?" Yes, yes I do.

Random Thoughts: October Edition

—Nothing makes me more nostalgic than autumn. Despite making great friends up here, the Gang is missed.

—I'm going to Raleigh in mid-January and I am pumped! I haven't been that way in a while and it'll be great to see old, familiar faces.

—Wikileaks released an unprecedented amount of information about the Iraq war. But none of its content is getting legitimate coverage from the US media. That sucks.

—For the last seven years, if not longer, we the people were lied to. Hundreds of thousands of people, whether American, Iraqi, Afghani, have died. Who knows how many more were tortured. No one will be held accountable, and that is unacceptable.

—You know who else won't be held accountable? The white-collar criminals and their cronies who brought the economy to its knees. But you and me will get 10+ years for possessing an ounce of pot or more.

—Christopher Nolan has given us the title of his third Batman movie: The Dark Knight Rises. I like the implication in the title; in The Dark Knight, Batman became the Dark Knight. This may not be a persona he wants, but it's one he'll carry. Chris Nolan also revealed no Riddler, which I like. It opens the door to a lot of other great villains the movies and mainstream public haven't seen.

—I'm super-pumped for the Rally to Restore Sanity and for all my friends going. It ought to be a blast. And seriously, get Jon Stewart or someone to give me a call.

—Back to the Future's 25th anniversary has come and gone: on October 26th, 1985, Marty McFly went back in time to November 5th, 1955. Putting serious thought into it, this is probably my favorite trilogy of all time.

—Congrats to the Texas Rangers on their first World Series appearance. I may be a Yankees fan, but it'd be a lie to say anything other than Texas outplayed them.

—For the uninformed, I finally got a job. Forty hours a week, salary, benefits...An adult job.

—Did you hear Mitch McConnell of South Carolina say the Republicans' number one priority is keeping Barack Obama from getting a second term? It's great to know we have elected officials looking out for us and not their party. This is how I know the two-party system is broken, and why we need viable third-, fourth-, and fifth-parties.

—This upcoming election is crucial. Read this and tell your friends, parents, etc. Misinformation is everywhere and it's disturbing. There's no slant, no bias to facts. Use them.

—Speaking of this election, VOTE. Tell your friends, parents, enemies, frenemies, acquaintances, whoever! I don't care who you vote for, just that you are voting. If you're in California, might I suggest voting for Prop. 19 and against Prop. 23. The former legalizes possession of pot. The latter will cost billions of dollars in clean energy and jobs.

—The rumormill is a-churning: George Lucas is planning a new STAR WARS trilogy, well after the events of Return of the Jedi and with no connection to the Skywalker Saga. I can and will be OK with this if Lucas isn't writing or directing, and he surrounds himself by greater talents who will challenge his decisions.

—Once again, I <3 Rachel Maddow.

—Something to keep in mind when discussing/reading about politics, faith, discrimination, etc.: Be a skeptic. Just because it confirms your bias does NOT make it true. If it elicits a strong emotional response, take a step back and re-evaluate it. People are manipulators, regardless of political party, religion, etc. Keep you head up and eyes open.

Making Changes

Nobody's perfect. And no one knows that more than each one of us. Whether or not we're found attractive has little to do with it. We all have things that bother us about our bodies. Maybe it's the shape. (I, for example, am a pear.) Maybe it's the weight. Maybe it's a lack of muscle, or definition, or tone. Maybe when we try to grow our hair long it acts like a spoiled child and will do nothing you ask of it. (Maybe I need a haircut.) It's also possible I'm just projecting onto you, my loving and adoring audience. Either way, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of not being at the weight I want. I'm tired of shirts fitting just a bit too tight around my stomach/waist. I'm tired of the accentuation of my ass in a pair of jeans. Most of all, though, I'm tired of saying I'm tired of it. Tired of my usual excuses and cop-outs.

There's a good deal of reason I've put on 50+ lbs. since 2004/2005. My junior year, I wrestled at 154 lbs. Nothing about that was healthy. Salads and water composed my diet. Every day. I could shed 4 lbs. from the start of practice to the end. But then I got into a car accident and unceremoniously quit wrestling. To say my metabolism went crazy would be an understatement. By senior year, I'd put on 25+ lbs. By my freshman year of college, I was 190 lbs. It's climbed, with brief moments of respite, until I peaked at 218 lbs. a month or so ago. Now it fluctuates between 213 and 216. That's too much for me. I'm not happy about the way my body wears the weight.

I've been passing up opportunity after opportunity since I started to put on weight my senior year. Why? Because I'm lazy. I have problems with motivation. I'm not sure when this set it, but I think it was right around my sophomore year of high school. It's carried itself into college and failing classes I wasn't interested in. It's kept me from running regularly. Although I'd argue I've always hated running, even when I was in shape and running track. Sometimes I'll use my knees as an excuse. A lot of time that's valid, but a lot of times it isn't. Right now I'm fed up with myself and that mentality. This general laziness has gone too far. A friend of mine, Bobby S. we'll call him, lost 40 lbs. in 7 months. That's astonishing. For years, I've been telling myself I could lose that kind of weight. My diet didn't change, and either did my exercise really, so I was never surprised that the weight didn't come off. But here's a friend, someone my own age, who's done the damn thing. I called him and we talked for nearly an hour, with a good chunk of that dedicated to what he did for those 7 months. Not a bit of it sounds impossible. It sounds hard, definitely. But I bitch out far too often when difficulty's involved. Maybe you do, too. No better time than right now to start making changes.

I'm going to do it. My motivation? Remember months ago when I congratulated my buddies Matt and Kathryn on their engagement? Matt asked me to be in the wedding party. Their wedding is 7 months away, at the end of May. For the most part, I haven't seen Matt, Jim, Bobby (I think I have more friends named Bobby than most people), Kathryn, their families, etc. since I moved to Wilmington. I'd love to get back there and be thinner and healthier. But it's going to be tough. It's going to take a structure and discipline I haven't exhibited in years. It's going to take time to figure out what works for my body. But if I don't start taking care of myself now, when will I?

I'm going to try to dedicate a post a week about all of this. I'm not going to keep track of weight loss. I won't be setting a weight loss goal. That mentality won't help. It'll add stress to meet the marks and I'm not doing this to add stress. Not with a new job starting in early November. So here's where I turn to you, my loving and adoring audience. What are your favorite healthy meals? What are your healthy snacks, besides fruit? Suggestions will be embraced and I will try anything (I hated pickles at the start of the year, and now I'm all about them. Who knows what other foods that happened to).

Next week or the week after is the start date. I need to do some analyzing of some behaviors and patterns before jumping into this thing. And I'd love for you to help me along with it. Ask me how the diet's going every now and then. I hate that I need it, but those little reminders every once in a while will make a huge difference. In turn, I hope we see a huge difference in the upcoming months.

Editor's Note: I reserve the right to change things, like watching my weight, as I please/as I get advice from people who know things.

Characters and Actors

I just finished reading an article, published on Roger Ebert's journal (click here to read it and pay attention to that second comment...), about writer Krishna Shenoi's experience with Superman, Superman: The Movie, and Christopher Reeve. It's a fun trip down memory lane for those of us spellbound as children by a man—super though he may be—flying. Everyone who's ever seen a movie has that one moment when the magic struck them. For me, it's in Jurassic Park. Imagine, if you will, that you're me, sixteen years ago (I first saw JP at the Walkertown drive-in a year after it came out, the year we moved to NC). I loved dinosaurs. Still do. So when we get the full-body shot of the Brachiosaurus, my heart exploded. It still does, every single time I watch the movie. As Alan says later in the film, "It's the most beautiful thing I ever saw!" My point? I get emotional attachment to film, to characters, to scenes, scores, moments, and so on. What Krishna wrote was an emotional appeal, and one I've thought about plenty in the last several years. I just happen to disagree with him on a couple points.

Superman: The Movie deserves credit for creating the super-hero genre. (I don't think anyone would count 1966's Batman as a legitimate contribution to anything but camp.) Since Richard Donner and Christopher Reeve awed the world, DC and Marvel have made their most popular properties into movies. Sometimes it's great (Superman, The Dark Knight, Spider-Man 2, Iron Man) and sometimes it's terrible (Daredevil, Superman III, Batman & Robin, Spider-Man 3). Krishna is right that Superman: The Movie started it off. But I disagree with this: "Without it, there would be no "The Dark Knight," no "Batman," no "X-Men," no "Iron Man."" Hollywood, at least the Hollywood we've seen in the last decade, is not entirely adventurous. I'm not saying there aren't creative people out there or creators willing to take a chance. I'm saying the studios don't want to take a risk with original properties that may or may not sink at theaters. Sequels, prequels, remakes, and adaptations dominate the box office. What Krishna boldly said is that without one particular movie, an entire genre wouldn't exist. I think Hollywood's dependence on proven commodities, and thus a bit of financial security, would have brought the super-hero genre to the same or similar place it is today. I don't want to get into the whole "what if" game that my argument can lead to, because any number of scenarios are possible. But comics had already broken into the mainstream: Superman was on TV in the '50s and so was Batman. Studios were aware of them. If it wasn't Superman: The Movie, it would've been Batman: The Movie, or Spider-Man: The Movie. Now, if the argument was if Superman: The Movie hadn't done well, there'd have been serious repercussions for the super-hero genre, I'd be in complete agreement.

Most of us are suckers for nostalgia. Ask anyone from my generation about Nickelodeon. For hours we can talk about Rocko, Arnold, Doug, Pete, Pete, Clarissa, and hundreds of other characters we grew to love. We'll probably have something snide to say about the current crop of Nick cartoons, too. You may even get to a version of "the good old days" speech we hear guys like Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck go on about (except we're talking about cartoons, not...whatever they're hoping for. I honestly don't know. Segregation? Tricky Dick? The gas crisis?). I do it with Jurassic Park. And I think Krishna's doing it with Christopher Reeve's Superman. Superman's also in the unique position of having been played on the big screen by only two men: Christopher Reeve and Brandon Routh. I agree with Krishna when he says Routh wasn't Superman. He was playing Christopher Reeve playing Superman, because director Bryan Singer made a tribute to Reeve and Donner's original two films (the idea behind Superman Returns was that it was a sequel to Superman II). Routh was immediately barred in by what had come before. Val Kilmer and George Clooney weren't when they put on the Bat-Suit. Either was Michael Keaton or Christian Bale. Or Kevin Conroy. We saw unique, occasionally awkward/bad, takes on Batman. But with the Man of Steel, it's really just been Christopher Reeve. And he did an incredible job for two movies. But just because we haven't seen a new take on this character does not mean Reeve is the end all, be all. Because I heard the argument Krishna's making before. We all did, when Heath Ledger was cast as the Joker. Nicholson fans came out of the woodwork, praising his performance like never before. People claimed no one else could be the Joker. But ya know what? Mark Hamill was the Joker in Batman: The Animated Series. Luke Skywalker put his stamp on that classic villain. Then Heath Ledger did, and now people say no one else should ever touch the role. The thing is, Heath, Mark, Jack...They were all the Joker. But the Joker wasn't them. Same with Bond and Batman. And as much as Krishna would disagree, same with Superman. He's the father of modern super-heroes. He was created before Christopher Reeve, and tragically, has survived him. Batman has done the same thing. Wolverine will too, once Marvel gets their hands back on the rights. These characters have histories that movies and actors can only scratch at. They've gone through golden ages and silver ages, experienced bankruptcy and bad writing, good movies and disappointing movies. And yet, super-heroes are still revered. That's because they're bigger than their medium, whichever one it is. At this point, they're mythological. They're gods.

Sorry if this was nit-picky. I've just heard his argument before, from me, too. I've been in Krishna's shoes. I came around. A lot of it is acknowledging the way we taint films, cartoons, etc., from our childhood. We skew it beyond what it was/is. Actually, it's one of those things that goes beyond childhood. Anything we find some sort of emotional attachment to, we're defensive of: a car, significant other, memory, toys, pets. Sometimes we want things to be better, or bigger, more important. So we say that no movie will ever surpass Jurassic Park, or that George Lucas raped Star Wars AND Indiana Jones (the man just can't leave well enough alone), or that no one but Christopher Reeve will ever be Superman. It's understandable. This thinking, though, closes us off. I mean, what happens if Jon Hamm lands the role of Clark Kent, and we get one of the best performances of the year? We all need to be open to change, to something different and new, especially when it evokes a strong emotional response.

Episode VI: The Return of the Blog

At last, we’ve come to Return of the Jedi (ROTJ). There is good here, and there is terrible. In fact, this 3-part blog started out about cheesiness in ROTJ and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Now, I bring to you my Ewok rant in order to get the negative out of the way first:

They're about 3 feet tall. Cute and cuddly. I wouldn't mind having one as a little sidekick. But I wouldn't expect an Ewok to do much during a fight. Even if it had a bow & arrow, or a spear, or a slingshot at its side. Even if it had a numbers advantage. I'm just not threatened by something I can punt. And maybe I'm crazy, but I can't imagine an army being frightened of them either. This wasn't just any army. It wasn't a ragtag group in camo-ponchos, like the Rebels. No, this was the Imperial Army. These guys were armored from head to toe. They were armed with guns and giant, walking death machines. These are troops that, for over 20 years, kept the ENTIRE galaxy in line. And I'm supposed to accept that the waddling teddy bears win? I'm sorry, but we've been shown, in a total of 4 films, how badass and dangerous Clonetroopers/Stormtroopers can be. We've seen Stormtroopers deal with similarly sized creatures with deadly precision in ANH. Obi-Wan even takes the time to emphasize that he's only seen that level of lethal accuracy from Imperial Stormtroopers. In case you call shenanigans because you went to Wookieepedia and read that Jawas are passive, watch the Rebels run from Stormtroopers onboard the Tantive IV. Or on Hoth. Watch the Clonetroopers massacre Jedi. The PT shows that Order 66 (the order to wipe out the Jedi) was primarily carried out by Clonetroopers. So what changed? It all depends on who you ask. Some might say the Ewoks had a turf advantage. Certain Extended Universe stories have said they were fierce psychological warriors: at night, they would chant and beat their drums, getting in the heads of the Stormtroopers. Or they would ambush small patrol groups and viciously murder them. But this is my blog, and I don't buy any of that. I don't buy the Empire's defeat on the moon of Endor. Even though it happened. I can't reconcile what I saw with what I've seen, if that makes sense. Ewoks don't make sense. But you can't talk sense with Lucas, you have to talk cents.

See, the Ewoks exist for a precise reason: merchandise. Georgie, we recently learned (through this article), changed the story of ROTJ for the sake of merchandise. The issue I have with this decision has everything to do with the relationship of money and art. When big money is involved, you're very likely to see something basic and safe (swamping Hollywood, are sequels and remakes). So instead of Han Solo dying, or Leia becoming a queen, or Luke walking off into the sunset, we wound up with Ewoks and the Death Star, Part II. Not only is the Death Star a proven foe, but the Ewoks scream marketability. A win-win for those with dollar bills in their eyes. What little kid didn't want an Ewok teddy bear the Christmas of '83? Don't you remember The Ewok Adventure or Ewoks: The Battle for Endor? Terrible movies, but they didn't have to be good. They just needed to appeal to a small market: children. This was when Star Wars took a turn towards bad cheese. It eventually led to Jar Jar Binks, incompetent battle droids with high-pitched voices, and kid-Anakin Skywalker. But it began with Ewoks.

Now that the dastardly Ewoks are out of the way, time to get to the nitty-gritty. There are three major storylines driving this story, and they all spring from Han's rescue from Jabba's Palace. We've been hearing about this Jabba fellow since ANH, and if you've seen the movies as they were originally released, then when we get to ROTJ, we have no idea who or what Jabba is. As 3PO and R2 head off on their own to Jabba's, the intrigue and mystery surrounding this place mounts and mounts (as with most things, ruin this, the PT and 1997 re-releases do). Lando and Chewie, we hear from 3PO, have yet to return from this place. They get there, of course, and we meet giant-pig guards and dark, dank hallways. Bib Fortuna, our first Twi'lek, introduces the droids to Jabba the Hutt, who is literally a giant slug. He hangs out on a slab of concrete, eats creepy-crawlies, and has a court jester sit in his rolls (Salacious Crumb). He also has a taste for humanoid women, who he has dress in super-hot outfits. He also keeps them chained up, which is less respectable. A lot happens here: Leia, in disguise brings Chewie as her "bounty," she frees Han, they get caught, Leia is put in a super-hot outfit, Luke comes along, fights a rancor, gets caught, he and Han and Chewie are sentenced to death, they fight over a Sarlacc pit, Jabba dies, Boba Fett may or may not die, and they escape. Whew. Luke then goes to Dagobah, Yoda tells him he has to fight his dad, that there's another Skywalker, and dies. Luke chats with ghost-Ben (odd, it is, how often Obi-Wan is called Ben in the OT, but never in the PT), who tells him Leia, the chick he's kissed at least 3 times (with tongue, sometimes!), is his sister. Heavy stuff to process quickly, because next thing we know, everyone's chilling at the Alliance rendezvous, plotting to blow shit up.

One of our three storylines happens on the moon of Endor. It involves a poorly thought-out plan and Ewoks. Han, Leia, Chewie, and the droids are the main players here. It's disappointing. The most important stuff happens above the moon: Lando leads the Alliance fleet against the Death Star and the Imperial Navy while Luke battles Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine onboard the Death Star. I'll start with the space battle, since the Luke story is what the entire OT, and saga, led to. This is arguably the best space fight in cinema history, and definitely in the Star Wars saga. Our favorite space pimp is back, and he's leading the charge. Calling the shots, though, is the legendary Admiral Ackbar, known for his wisdom and brevity ("It's a trap!"). But it may as well have been Lando, since he tells the pilots what to do, and even tells Ackbar what's what in a galaxy far, far away. Once Lando realized the Death Star's shield was up, and it's uber-destructive laser was operational and able to target Rebel ships, he called off the attack on the space station and had the Rebel capital ships go up against their Star Destroyer counterparts. This scheme bought Han and company enough time to get the shield down. The remaining fighters literally went into the Death Star and flew straight to the core. Lando called all fighters and either a few heard, or the Rebels got pummeled, because only six or seven Rebel fighters went in, including Lando. It makes me wonder how far ahead they were thinking or if they even considered things wouldn't go as planned. But things go as planned, and they blow the Death Star to smithereens, again. But didn't I say Luke was onboard? HolycrapwhathappenedtoLuke?!?

Over the course of these movies, Luke has received the worst of it: His aunt and uncle were murdered, he watched Ben "die," he found out his mortal enemy is his dad, lost his hand, found out the chick he's been making out with is his sister, and was told he's got to fight his dad. To Luke's credit, he knows how to handle it. When Darth Vader takes Luke to the Emperor, Luke doesn't flip out and try to kill everyone, even though he'd be justified. He stays cool and trades barbs with the Emperor himself. Luke telling Vader he can sense the good in his old man. But the Emperor, well, he goads Luke every step of the way, trying to push him towards the dark side. It's only when Luke's friends are directly threatened by the Emperor does Luke actually summon his lightsaber. Vader defends, and we get an immediately iconic shot of Luke and Vader's blades locked, with the Emperor cackling. This starts the emotional struggle between father and son, at least in the physical sense. Luke regains composure and tries to avoid fighting Vader, but the thing about a Sith with a lightsaber is, they'll kill you. So the fight continues. Until Luke hides, of course. Good thing he's been wearing black all movie, because he is doing some serious lurking in the shadows. Vader's hunting him and antagonizing him, and it's great to watch. But then the greatest moment of the trilogy comes: Vader threatens Leia, and Luke goes berserk. The choral swell in the music is beautiful, and the first time there's been a score to accompany a lightsaber duel. The music, the acting, the fight choreography, it all meshes. The emotional undercurrent is electric (pun intended). One of the things that makes this work is that we've never seen Vader on the defensive. He's never been in a situation where HIS life was in danger. And yet, when the fight is through, Vader is down, minus a hand. Holy crap. And when enticed by the Emperor to kill his dad? Luke tosses his lightsaber away. The Emperor doesn't take so kindly to that, and shoots lightning out of his hands into Luke. I'll wait a minute while you let that sink in. It's this action that finally wakes up old Anakin Skywalker, who chucks the Emperor down a conveniently located shaft.

The unmasking of Vader disappoints me. Just like with the Ewoks, I don't trust my eyes (deceive you, they can). I see this pasty old guy underneath the helmet and don't buy that was Anakin. But following that we get Luke burning the body, another beautiful moment between the two heroes of the saga. Both the original ending and the revised ending are letdowns to me, especially in light of what could've been. I should apologize here to the folks who accept what we were presented with. But I won't because I'm an angry nerd. Either way, this wraps up my look at the Star Wars Trilogy! Stay tuned, though, for a special edition of "Random Thoughts" to cover anything I missed. Thanks for reading!

Episode V.5: Random Thoughts, Redux

I'm polishing up the final piece on the Star Wars trilogy, but had a lot on my mind. Now it can be on your mind!

—Far too often, we let ourselves get distracted from the heart of issues. Most recent example: FOX News' uproar over Stephen Colbert's appearance before Congress. No discussion of why he was there and what he was saying. Same thing happened with the Park51 Mosque and the Koran burning. Recognizing the distortion is key to working past it.

—Stephen Fry in the next Sherlock Holmes movie? And as RDJ's older, just as intelligent, brother Mycroft Holmes? Excellent casting.

—Fan-made no longer has the stigma of the Star Wars kid:

THE WALKING DEAD "Opening Titles" from Daniel Kanemoto on Vimeo.


—The Walking Dead will premiere on AMC, appropriately, on Halloween. The first episode will be an hour-and-a-half of kick-assery.

—When you can get discharged from the military for being openly heterosexual, and that alone, I'll be OK with people getting discharged for being openly homosexual.

—This is seriously exciting: Back to the Future Re-Release. Please note that the Monday showing is on the day that Marty first went back in time. Pardon my minor nerdgasm.

—Halloween's soon. It won't be the same without my two favorite flappers, Dr. Henry Jones, Sr., Prince Akeem, Jack & Jill, the Lone Ranger, a butterfly (who should've been GaGa), and whatever the hell Hannah was.

—It'll also be missing Pimp My Pump '09.

—I'm now debating between Judah from 30 Rock and Charlie from Always Sunny, specifically, Charlie from "Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass." Tough call, really. Keep in mind, whatever I'll be doing, I'll be doing with Day Man and Night Man.

—I'll be missing Jon Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity and Stephen Colbert's March to Keep Fear Alive. This makes me sad, but on the other hand, I'll be celebrating my cousin's birthday in New York City, so I'm sure I'll get over it. Friends who are going: have a blast for me. Take lots of pictures, record as much as you can, and have as many celebrities call me as possible.

—You can tell it's autumn up here. I've missed autumn, almost as much as I've missed snow. Which is right around the corner.

—I'm curious as to what exactly the radical homosexual agenda is. The same bullshit was spewed when Judge Vaughn Walker ruled Prop. 8 as unconstitutional.

—After watching Jon Stewart on The O'Reilly Factor and Bill O'Reilly on The Daily Show, you get a feel for their friendship. Also, Jon is a much more gracious host.

—Probably didn't need to watch both shows to figure out that last bit.

—Spoiler Alert: Super edgy cool guy Mark Millar had his latest creation lace a womb with bombs. All you can do is shake your head sometimes.

—Max Weinberg won't be coming with Conan O'Brien to TBS. I'll miss their awkward stares.

—The problem with the Tea Party is not their views. It's their inability to have reasoned discourse about their views. Or my views. More than anything else, they're fueled by emotion. Emotion, very simply, is more powerful than logic and reason. That's why a Pinko-Commie like me can't have a reasonable conversation with my Tea Party parents. This, of course, is exactly what the corporations behind the Tea Party want (look into FreedomWorks and Koch Industries, to name just two of the bankrollers).

—The entire Star Wars Saga will be released in 3D, starting with The Phantom Menace in February 2012. Every year after that, the next one will come out—but only if TPM does well. With that stipulation, it sounds like a money scheme by George Lucas/Lucasfilm. He realizes few people seriously enjoyed the PT enough to go pay twice as much to see it in 3D, but if he holds the OT ransom? It might work, too.

—In honor of The Social Network, out tomorrow, here's a trip down memory lane:
    Remember when Facebook was The Facebook?
    Who was the person that first introduced you to Facebook? (Kyle B., during my junior year of high school)
     Facebook used to only be for college students. Then high schoolers and college students. Then everyone.
     Who was your first facebook friend? (Leah N., who I wound up serving with on the Owen Hall Council)
     Poking used to be a big deal.

Episode V: The Writing Bug Strikes Back

Since 1977, nerds have argued about Star Wars. I'd daresay your regular, non-obsessive folks, too. Lucas’ revisions and the entire PT have provided ample ammunition for discussions: Did Han shoot first? Why did the Empire decide to rebuild the Death Star, but bigger? Was Darth Vader an emo bitch, or a whiny brat? Why does Obi-Wan tell Luke he hasn’t gone by Obi-Wan since before Luke was born when he was clearly still answering to Obi-Wan AFTER the birth of Luke? Why Jar Jar? But what’s rarely debated is The Empire Strikes Back’s (ESB) stature as the pinnacle of the Star Wars franchise. It's more exciting, expands the universe, adds character depth, and advances the story by at least 12 parsecs. It does everything a stand-alone film should do, but does it better because of its advantage as a sequel.

An aside on sequels: Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're bad. For every Spider-Man 2, Godfather, Part II, The Dark Knight, we have a Basic Instinct II, Transformers II, or the second Bush presidency. The second sequel, however, seems to follow a universal rule of near-complete suckage: TMNT: Turtles in Time, Jurassic Park III, Godfather, Part III, Blade: Trinity, Spider-Man 3. There are definitely enjoyable 3-quels: The Last Crusade, Return of the Jedi, Back to the Future, Part III, but I would never say they're the best of their respective series. Editor's Note: David aptly recognized Toy Story 3 as a third film that may, in fact, be better than its predecessors. I think it is. Watch the garbage disposal scene and try not to weep. And, just to keep things from getting too comfortable, there's the occasional great franchise opener: Raiders of the Lost Ark, Iron Man. Point is, just because it's a sequel does not mean it will take it's rightful place. Just ask Attack of the Clones. 

George Lucas, in a rare moment of clarity, didn't want to direct this. He's gone on record a number of times discussing his dislike of directing, so he sought out an old professor: Irvin Kershner. This move might've been the best decision made in regards to Star Wars, besides greenlighting it. Following close behind was the decision to bring on Lawrence Kasdan to write the script. Kasdan, for those who don't know, wrote Raiders of the Lost Ark. I will contend that George Lucas is a damn fine idea man. He just can't write well. Kasdan can, so when you put the two of them together, you get something stellar. But Joey, what about Return of the Jedi? Hold your horses, kid! That's up after this. Stay focused! So what we have is a director who likes directing, a writer who likes writing, and an idea man who likes idea manning. They're like the Planeteers, and ESB is Captain Planet. 

Now, what ANH did for setting, ESB did for character. Luke and R2 have their own arc, far removed from the Rebellion and friends. Han, Leia, Chewie, and 3PO's situation hits rock bottom, and then burrows down into liquid-hot magma. New characters pop-up who impact the story in irreparable ways: Yoda, The Emperor, Boba Fett, and everyone's favorite space pimp/Cloud City administrator/former-owner of the Millennium Falcon, Lando Calrissian. These four do as much in the mythos as the ANH crew. That's no small task. Yoda has an entrance on the opposite side of the spectrum as Darth Vader. Small, unassuming, and playful, he sneaks into Luke's camp on Dagobah and "befriends" him and R2. A short while later, we learn Yoda is the last living Jedi Master and the one who will train Luke. Thankfully, he's underexposed in the OT, giving him a mysterious aura. His odd speech pattern gives an extra umph to his sayings, of which there are many: "Wars not make one great," "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter," and his most famous, "No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try." Yoda is a do-er, too. Right after saying that to Luke, he lifts Luke's X-Wing completely out of the swamp and onto solid ground. Holy crap. Talk about mind blown. Even more than Vader Force choking people left and right in this movie, Yoda picking up the X-Wing made the Force tangible. Now it was more than blocking shots while blind-folded or hearing Obi-Wan's voice.

We also got a brief view of Emperor Palpatine. Depending on when you saw the movie, you either saw a woman with chimpanzee eyes superimposed over hers, or you so Ian McDiarmid is really terrible make-up. The conversation changes, too, depending on the year. But what stands out, what matters, remains the same: The Son of Skywalker exists. It's here we get our first hint at Vader's identity; instead of agreeing that the boy should be killed, Vader suggests turning him to the dark side. Ever an opportunist, Palpatine jumps on board, and the stage is set. Luke Skywalker is wanted alive by the Empire.

Boba Fett has the honor as one of the most beloved side-characters in Star Wars. Of course, that means George Lucas ruined him in the PT. But for 20+ years, Boba's legacy grew and grew, and he had some pretty cool stories. To think, it all started with the bounty Jabba put out on Han Solo. Remember that from ANH? It was the reason Han took the money and split before the attack on the Death Star. I guess after helping murder millions of Imperials, he didn't find the time to head back to Tatooine and pay off his old boss. Which meant the bounty was still in place when Vader called together a ton of bounty hunters to find the Millennium Falcon. Turns out Boba was the best of the best: He out-smarted Han, probably got paid by the Empire, and collected the bounty. I think he had about 3 or 4 lines in the entire movie (a key, silence is, to creating a badass). Han might've had a chance though, if it wasn't for the betrayal of his former friend, Lando.

Lando Calrissian is the first black character in Star Wars. And he betrays one of the most beloved characters. He may as well have been straight out of a ‘70s blaxploitation…Oh. Well, nevermind. Truth is, despite this back-stabbery, Lando's too charming and too awesome not to like. He turns on the Empire the second Vader is out of sight and nearly gets Han rescued from Fett. Even cooler than that? Lando used to own the Millennium Falcon. Backstory, history, and informed characters? It's like they're real people!

I said before, our heroes go through some harsh times—Han, Leia, Chewie, and 3PO in particular. In their suffering, though, we get some phenomenal moments: Han and Leia’s kiss is one of those scenes that does everything right. From building tension, to Han's charm, to Leia's toughness, to 3PO lacking any semblance of tact. Well-written and well-executed. Marvelous work, made even better by the teasing and goading from earlier in the movie. That's just the tip of the ice berg: One of Han’s best moments in the entire OT, is his reaction Vader sitting at the table. Han shoots first. The man opens fire on the baddest baddie in the galaxy. That’s the type of guy you want on your side. There’s also the infamous profession of love, which has a great backstory that speaks to the abilities of Harrison Ford and Kershner: Take after take, Ford was saying the line as written, which was, “I love you, too,” or “I love you.” Kershner wasn’t happy about any of the takes, and finally told Ford to say what comes naturally. Next thing we know, classic moment. Less classic but more comedic, 3PO gets blown to pieces and Chewie puts him back together. But only kind of: The top-half of 3PO is complete, and Chewie wears him like a droid backpack. Less comedic and more sad is the moment Han and Chewie share right before Han is put in carbon freeze. A tender moment between literal partners in crime.

And then there’s Luke on Dagobah. I’ve been criticized for calling this slow and, blasphemous as it might be, boring. It's all made by Yoda, without whom, Luke is just whining about not going to the Toshi station again. I jest, but Luke comes off as bitchy every now and then. Of course, that makes sense narratively: Luke still doesn't "get" what he's doing. Not until his confrontation with Vader. He even gets a preview of it when he goes into the cave. It took me a while to fully comprehend this scene, to be honest. When I got old enough to think about it, man, did I think about it. When Luke asks what's inside, Yoda's answer couldn't be more ominous: "Only what you take with you." Damn homie. Damn.

You can't talk about ESB without talking about the ginormous twist. I'm not entirely sure if I've spoiled it yet, but if I haven't, spoilers abound!

Darth Vader, for all his faults, lacks finesse. It's obvious he went into Cloud City without any sort of plan beyond "Freeze Luke." Maybe he panicked a bit when he sliced off Luke's hand, and just kind of blurted out that they're related. Because there are better ways to have that conversation. It doesn't involve forced amputation or throwing oneself from a high tower. I mean, Vader offered Leia, Han, and Chewie a meal! And he didn't have anything to say to them! But he couldn't extend the same courtesy to his son? I think he just got excited because right after telling Luke he's Anakin Skywalker, he starts blabbering about ruling the galaxy as father and son. Not the best time, pops. But it's not all on Vader. Luke could've reacted in a much more mature way. Crying? Jumping away from his problems? Luke needs to man up. Have a conversation with dear old dad before making rash decisions. My only real nitpick about this scene is the loss of Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber. I always felt something should've been made of the fact that Luke's first lightsaber, formerly his father's, was lost. Then again, my heart broke when the DeLorean was destroyed in BTTF 3, so maybe I'm too attached to movie gadgets.

Bam! Another one in the history books. Or internet logs. I'm not sure where this is contained, for official purposes, but I know it's somewhere. In a few more days, we'll get to the exciting conclusion of the Star Wars!

Episode IV: A New Blog

That's right, Wookiees and Twi'leks, Mon Calamari and Bothans! It's time for a war amongst the stars! STAR WARS! Even moreso than my beloved Jurassic Park, Star Wars shows up in my day-to-day. My high school graduation present was a gnarly Stormtrooper Fossil watch. I have five lightsabers (green, blue, purple, red, and red). The Original Trilogy (OT) on VHS is a prized possession. Nearly every one of my blogs has a reference to this gigantic space opera. This started as a blog about cheesiness in Star Wars and Indiana Jones. Then I started watching a lot of Star Wars on Spike. Then I popped in the DVDs. And here we are, with a kind of finished product! Since my page count was getting pretty high, I'm breaking one giant blog into three smaller entries (sounds familiar, does it?).

What better place to start than the beginning? The beginning being the middle, of course. Originally released as Star Wars, A New Hope (ANH) kicked us right into the Galactic Civil War. First thing we see is a space ship (the Tantive IV, of course) being pursued and overtaken by one of the greatest creations in cinema, a Star Destroyer. What really makes the opening shot is how long it takes for the Star Destroyer to come completely in frame. Which really sums up the Rebellion and the Empire rather elegantly. The badass space battle continues into badass hallway combat (one word, “badass” is, according to Merriam-Webster. Know this, I did not). It's here we meet a ton of major players: R2 and 3PO, Leia, and making one of the most intimidating entrances ever, Darth Vader. In the middle of corpse-strewn hallways, this 7-foot, clad-in-black monster walks over bodies and gets everyone to stop what they’re doing. That’s how you show an audience this guy commands respect/fear. He's a man/machine on a mission, and as Captain Antilles found out, you don't survive long in Vader's path. He crushes throats, with his hands or the Force, whichever is most convenient, he watches a planet explode, he fights his old master, who put him in that menacing life-support-system. Did a group of fighters break off from the main group? No worries! Vader will just hop in his custom TIE Fighter and blow them up. Seriously, there isn't much he can't do. Or won't do. Darth Vader is a villain afterall. Not some whiny snot of a teenager. That'd be ridiculous!

The best part of ANH, and it’s been said before, is the setting. In this case, it’s Tatooine. Instead of flash and pizzazz (still use pizzazz, do people?), we get rundown and worn-in. This is a planet of one climate and one geographic description: hot and desert (a pattern, this will become). On this planet, we meet a whole horde of creatures. First are the Jawas with their creepy, glowing eyes, short stature, and giant Sandcrawlers. There’s the Sand People, who ride Banthas in single-file, hide their tracks, and kill like it was breathing. Can’t have a planet without humans, of course, so we see a few of them at Luke’s place and Mos Eisley. But once we get into Mos Eisley (a wretched hive of scum and villainy), humans are the minority. Seriously. In the cantina, it’s Luke, Obi-Wan, Han, and the bartender. Everyone else is an alien. That right there is George Lucas doing work, showing us this universe is huge without telling us a thing. And frankly, I appreciate the diversity here because after we leave Mos Eisley, the movie gets a lot more human. (And white. A-whole-nother bag of womp rats, that is.) Speaking of Mos Eisley: awesome. It’s as close to the Wild West as we get in Star Wars, with bar fights, murder, shoot-outs, and daring getaways. Bodies were left where they fell. I’ve always been curious about what happened to Ponda Baba’s arm.

Of course, the cantina serves as the birthplace of one of the most idiotic of Star Wars controversies: Who shot first? In the 1977 release, Han Solo, smuggler extraordinaire, is confronted by Greedo. Turns out Jabba the Hutt put a price on Han's head. Right when it looks like Greedo is going to collect, BAM! Han shoots him under the table, tosses the bartender a credit, and walks out. That's character development. Here's a guy who doesn't have time for stooges or two-bit bounty hunters. He has no problem taking decisive action in a dangerous situation. Naturally, George Lucas thought that ought to be changed. Can't have a hero acting like a villain, or some such BS (think too long about it, and explode, your head will). So Georgie has Greedo shoot first, using terrible CGI to make Han dodge and return fire. And because he can be a giant tool, he wore a "Han Shot First" shirt while filming the PT. Dude is an ass-hole.

After Mos Eisley, we witness the destruction of Alderaan, in all its peacefulness and beauty. Heck, they don't even have weapons! I wonder what that sudden gravity vacuum would do to the remaining planets of that system. Billions die in an instant, and Obi-Wan senses it, adding more intrigue to the Force. The Death Star capture and prison break is fun to watch. You see Luke appealing to Han's blank blank, Leia taking charge, and Han wondering what the hell he and Chewie got dragged into. It all culminates with the showdown between Obi-Wan and Darth Vader. What they engage in isn't your typical fight: Vader may have his head in it, but Obi-Wan is just distracting him. If the Dark Lord of the Sith is concentrating on the man that maimed him, he won't see the criminals escaping. It works, too, although Obi-Wan has to sacrifice himself. Only kind of, though. Since he's still kind of alive through the Force. Which is neat. Creepy, too, when he starts talking to Luke and appearing to him. But mostly neat.

Logical is not a word too often associated with ANH. Or Star Wars in general. After an escape from the Death Star, Leia surmises they’re being tracked by the Empire. Naturally, they go to the hidden Rebel base. This would be the same hidden Rebel base the Empire was so desperate to find, they blew up Alderaan. Younger Joey didn’t pick up on that, but older, wiser, bitchier Joey sure did. It’s as illogical as the Empire allowing for a single vent that, if discovered, could be the undoing of a space station the size of a moon. I’ll chalk up the latter to designer laziness/fear of telling someone he/she/it made a mistake and have to face the wrath of the Emperor. The former, well, I guess you don’t need to pass an IQ test to become Alderaanian royalty. Or to be Jedi Master. Obi-Wan hardly changes his name. He and Yoda decide to let Luke keep his dad’s last name, and then let him be raised by his dad’s step-brother. And all of that on Anakin Skywalker’s home planet. But those logical fallacies exist because Lucas can’t write any better than we understand Chewie.

It's wild watching ANH, seeing the characters at the start of the journey. The contrast is huge, and a large part of that is because they aren't full-fledged characters in ANH. Yes, they have arcs, but they're more archetypes, each person playing a role. Don't take that as a mark against them because it isn't. Lucas drew heavily from the works of Akira Kurosawa and the ideas of Joseph Campbell when creating ANH. These are classically defined roles Han, Luke, and Obi-Wan are filling: the anti-hero, the hero, and the wise, old mentor. Leia's a spin on the tried and not-so-true damsel-in-distress, and she shines because of this. The droids are the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of the group, and Chewie is the faithful sidekick. These latter three don't get much in the way of growth, to be honest, but it's good to have constant characters sometimes. It's not a perfect movie by any means. Fortunately, it doesn't have to be. That's what we have The Empire Strikes Back for. That's next! Until then, may the Force be with you.

Scott Pilgrim vs The World: An Epic Review of Epic Epicness

At last, I got to see Scott Pilgrim vs The World! I only say "at last" because in a normal world, I would've been at the midnight show. Probably would've seen it twice opening weekend, too, in that normal world. I saw it Sunday, and again Tuesday night. I want to see it more, but no one wants to hire me so I don't have money.

This'll be spoiler-free, too. Scott Pilgrim isn't like Inception where you have to know how it ends to have a legit conversation.

Barely negative first:

Ramona can come off a tad cold. It's a stark contrast to her jokey/flirty graphic novel counterpart. I don't get the feeling she's really into Scott until Ex #3. Maybe a bit before, actually. Which makes me question why he's fighting all these guys for a girl that's only showing mild interest. Really, I want more time for these two. We, the audience, deserve to see them fall for each other. It's cliché, but it raises the stakes. And everyone loves a cutesy montage of time spent together, amiright? No? Just me? Whatever. More screen time would've alleviated this fan's minor hang-up. Emphasis on minor (I didn't want to put it in caps because then it looks MAJOR, which it isn't).

The graphic novels take place over the course of a year or so. The movie, around a month. The way we tell is Ramona's hair (she changes the color every week and a half; that revelation leads to a hilarious over-reaction by Scott). It's easy to follow. Except in one instance: I have no idea how much time passes between the battle of Exes 5 & 6 and the final showdown. Maybe after another viewing it'll be clear. But this is a nitpick, not a problem like Super Mario 2 being a dream. Editor's/Writer's Note: After the second viewing, still confused about the time. Once again, minor issue.

Something's clicked in the last year or so. Michael Cera went from being funny, to good, to tolerable, to annoying. For me, it's complicated. I love him as George Michael on Arrested Development and Superbad is one of the best comedies of the 2000s. But there's a stigma that's been following him around. His range, it seems, is limited to awkward, nervous guy. Which Scott Pilgrim can be. But reading the graphic novels, it also felt like there was a force-field around Scott—it either drew you in, like Knives Chau, or repelled you, like Julie Powers. It lent itself to him being self-absorbed. And I didn't get that from the Michael Cera-Scott Pilgrim. (The force-field, I mean. He did self-absorbed very well.) Maybe it's because he's such a small physical presence. It might come off as an odd gripe, but he looks really young/small. Especially next to Chris Evans and Brandon Routh. Even next to Jason Schwartzman. Hell, I think Mary Elizabeth Winstead has wider shoulders than him. It irks me and at times, distracted me. But he plays Scott well—he really does. Parts of my brain are still battling each other over this. Mind you, it's certainly possible that I've missed a crucial element: Scott Pilgrim is supposed to be physically unimposing. But I don't get that feeling because it's never mentioned. Or even hinted at. Ahh! (Real Monsters!) I just don't know how to feel about it, even after viewing numero 2.

Finally, and this is a bitchy point: The trailers revealed too many jokes. Way too many. This isn't a mark against the movie, really. I'm just a fan of "less is more" when releasing a trailer.

Now the good!

As folks ought to know by now, video games and comics are the heavy influences here. Comics are like the gateway visual to the harder, video game visuals. Best of all, friends, it works! The screen splits into panels. We see character names and tidbits (Name: Scott Pilgrim, Age: 22, Rating: Awesome). Silver Age sound effects come out of combat (Bam! Pow! Thwack! etc). Sound gets squiggly lines. It's good stuff. But Scott Pilgrim vs The World pulled the most from video games. Points appear after Scott defeats enemies or does something heroic. He grabs a 1-Up. Enemies leave behind coins after defeat. Bars measure remaining life, or bladder levels. Combos, KOs, team-ups, etc. all get accurate graphics. Undeniably genius. It's integrated to the point where you don't notice it after the first big fight (there is a period of adjustment. This is NOT a typical movie). Coming from a gaming background, I loved it (couldn't tell?). It makes me want to pull out the old Nintendo, which Cindy has down in Austin. Sad face x 10. The creativity shown here is stunning.

Not everything is super in-your-face. A lot is, and I'm really glad Edgar Wright did NOT do the 3-D conversion (3-D is not a future of film I'm excited about). Subtlety abounds and those paying attention will get extra laughs. But I'll give you some things to look for: Wallace has his initials embroidered on shirts and cuffs. Watch Scott's head anytime his hair is mentioned. At one point, Scott's bass explodes. Chuckle at it's reappearance. Ramona's clothes and bag will match her hair. During a conversation, the characters can go through 3+ locations. It's flawless really, and it might even go unnoticed if you aren't looking for it. Also, when on the bus with Ramona, the streetlights on her side are heart-shaped. It's hard to spot, but if you have a keen eye, you can pick it out. I'm looking forward to wearing out my pause and rewind buttons. Editor's/Writer's Note: Pay attention to the opening credits. Each actor's name is accompanied by drawings relating to their character. Neat!

The soundtrack is incredible: Beck stands in as Sex Bob-Omb, Metric as The Clash at Demonhead, and Broken Social Scene as Crash and the Boys. Brillance! Seriously, The Clash at Demonhead scene...It makes me want to buy a ticket for their concert. It scares me that the original script didn't have any music scenes in me, because it became almost as integral a part of the story as comics and video games. Sex Bob-Omb has the charm of your above-average garage band (Another Day, anyone?) and a catchy sound despite ridiculous lyrics. Crash and the Boys, well, I don't want to spoil anything about them, so the less said, the better (get it?!).  We've got a horribly appropriate Rolling Stones song thrown in for good measure, too. The score is littered with 8-bit era sounds and shout-outs to games of yore. It's rich and funny: There are send-ups of action movie music (shoelaces have never been so compelling) and a particular sitcom, too. I make no guarantees since I'm broke, but this is the type of music I'd go out of my to buy.

In one of the short behind-the-scenes features from the interactive trailer, Edgar Wright mentioned that the fight scenes were like dance numbers in musicals—for 3 minutes, everyone is involved in this giant routine, and when it's done, no one questions how everyone knew the dance steps and lyrics. That in mind, Scott Pilgrim vs The World fits into the musical mold (along with the comic book mold and video game mold—naming a genre for this movie will be a bitch). Just like in the graphic novels, the fights were as normal as blowing in a Nintendo cartridge. Treating them without any sort of mystique makes it easier for the audience to accept them. The fights are more than just battles, too; they're stories themselves. We learn about the person Ramona was, and how resourceful/ingenious/lucky Scott can be. They move the plot forward and give us the best scenes between Ramona and Scott. They're also badass. They had two of the best fight choreographers on set and it shows. There's moments where Michael Cera looks surprised at where a hit is coming from and that helps keep things looking super staged. Each fight had a distinct feel and they each stand out. That's no easy feat. Can you tell the difference between any of Rocky's fights, without relying on his opponent? No? You can here. (OK, that's a mostly unfair comparison, since boxing is, well, boxing. But you get the point.)

I've mentioned a lot about Scott and Ramona. Michael Cera is an effective Scott. Mary Elizabeth Winstead wears Ramona well, even if I want more. The story may be about them, but they are far from all there is. There's all 7 of the Evil Exes. There's Wallace, and Stacey, and Stephen Stills and Kim, Knives and Young Neil. With the exception of the twins, the Exes chew up scenery like a T-Rex on Donald Gennaro (65,000,000 points for getting the reference. Another 65,000,000 points for getting the points reference. But only the first points. If you add the two, it's just a really big number with no significance). Chris Evans was obviously having a blast. He was also doing his best Batman impression with that voice. Same with Brandon Routh (it looked like they shot him so he didn't tower over everyone else). He played grammatically challenged very convincingly. These two guys turned it up to 11. Arrested Development fans will get a kick out of watching Ann (her?) kick the crap out of George Michael. Her exit is something to behold, too. Satya Bhabha played Matthew Patel with such absurdity. You need to see his entire routine to believe it. Ellen Wong as Knives—this poor girl. Infatuation must be second nature to her (or maybe she's just...acting!). The bandmates were spittin' images of their graphic novel counterparts. Mark Webber as Stephen Stills carried the neuroticism and one-track mind humorously and without getting annoying. Kim was a bit more dead-pan than I expected, but it works. You see a lot under the surface, and I wish they had been given time to really explore her and Scott's history, because it's complicated and helps develop both characters. Kieran Culkin (Wallace) stole his scenes. He took them from Michael Cera and refused to let go, until he disappeared in the third act (mostly). Jason Schwartzman was so smarmy, you wanted to punch him in the face and be him, but not at the same time. He secreted douche bag with every little thing he did. Amazing job. It's so rare that everyone in a giant ensemble pulls their weight, but it happened here.

Some of the reviews I've read, well, they missed something. A bunch of critics mentioned Scott being a jerk. They say this in a bad way, asking why he's the hero and why we should root for him. That's the point. At least part of it. Scott's an asshole. Scott broke Kim's heart and Knives' heart, and probably other hearts. He did this without really thinking about the girls or their feelings. Each of us has been there (replace girls with boys when appropriate, unless you lady readers had a "sexy phase"). He's sometimes oblivious and self-absorbed. To say that you have never achieved either of those statuses would be denial. Scott reflects his audience. He makes the mistakes of a 22-year-old. And I think the audience appreciates that. We like flaws. A flawed character has a more satisfying redemption than the clean cut guy. Look at how popular Wolverine and Batman have become the last few years, especially in comparison to the last Superman movie (which I like and own!). At the moment, the not-so-hero has become the hero. Scott isn't a Superman. But we're never led to believe he is. Instead, he's human, with all the messy intricacies that entails.

As Ramona accurately states, "We all have baggage." That's the other point of the movie. In some way or another, we all struggle with the past. We carry it around with us (that's why it's called baggage!) and sometimes we drop it at the feet of a significant other, and sometimes they rifle through it. Sometimes it forms a League of Evil Exes and tries to control your love life and keep you from dating anyone. Our response is what matters in these instances. Jealousy is a hard thing to overcome. A Dave Eggers short, Quiet, deals with a past creeping in on the present, and it was super convenient that I read that before seeing the movie. It can be dangerous. Physically so in Scott Pilgrim vs The World. If one were so inclined, one could write a theory about how the fights were just hallucinations on Scott's part, daydreams to deal with the revelations. Or Scott may just be insane, thus the visuals. Either way, the heart of the movie tells us that we have to deal with it and move on. The past can be left behind. That's encouraging.

I'm already looking forward to the DVD release. The movie itself is reason enough to get it upon its release, but the extras have my attention. There's so much to learn about this movie and I want to soak it all up. Edgar Wright is a baller, through and through. He assembled as close to perfect a cast as you could get for an epic of epic epicness, and his crew had to have been outstanding. It's visually arresting, will leave you laughing, and never gets carried away with excess. It speaks to a generation of 20-somethings, regardless of whether or not they played video games or read comics. Really, I can't say enough good about it. So go see it, multiple times. Buy the soundtrack and the score. Tell your friends, or better yet, drag your friends to see it. Then go to Memory Lane Comics in Wilmington, NC and buy all six volumes. Edgar Wright borrows graciously from the source material: Entire chunks of dialogue, action pieces, designs, etc. It's cool to take a look at a page and then see it on the big screen.

The long, drawn-out point here is that Scott Pilgrim vs The World is a great movie. It's quirky and unique and has a visual style all it's own. If you go in with an open mind and no bias against video games, you'll have fun. A lot of it. Probably too much fun.

Final Score: 10 out of 11

Ran-Dum-Dum-Dugan Thoughts

— Star Wars fans can be divided into two groups: those who prefer 1-3 over 4-6, and those with taste. It's the exact opposite for Lost fans.

— Rachel Maddow is as wonderful as she is intelligent and witty.

— I've done my best to read up on the Google/Verizon proposal, and see things from their side. But I can't. It seems wrong to partition the internet into different, tiered internets. I bet the same was said about TV and cable. 

— New York Comic Con looks bodacious, through and through.

— It's nearly Sunday, and I still haven't seen Scott Pilgrim vs The World. :(

— While some stranger inherited my one-way ticket to Oakdale, I just came into what amounts to a round-trip ticket. For those keeping track, MTA/LIRR: 1, JOEY: 1

— I hope the rumors about MARVEL Studios and Jon Favreau are just that.

— One of the more boggling aspects of politics in the last few years has been the degradation of intelligence as some form of elitism, and the rise of ignorance as some kind of virtue. We can blame former-President Bush and former-Governor Palin and numerous talking heads for this.

— It's good to have Futurama back.

— Keeping my chops even has become infinitely easier now that there's a beard trimmer around.

— Can you name a better SNL sketch than Celebrity Jeopardy?

— Jon Stewart with or without goatee? With.

— What lies in the shadow of the statue, Lebowski?

— The Half-Penny is like Blue Post, if you could actually talk to the bartenders on a busy night, eat popcorn, and watch movies.

— Is there a point when creation no longer belongs to creator? That's a conversation I want to have with George Lucas.

— Speaking of, read this article. Things will make sense (Ewoks!).

— Something like 3 people have told me they've posted comments, but they haven't stuck. I haven't deleted any! So, post it to facebook. I promise I'll respond and we can chat about things. It'll be fuuun.

— I could really stand a haircut.

— An explanation of the title.

— I need your help: What should I blog about? New ideas that aren't me bitching about things I enjoy (Lost, Star Wars, comics, the United States) are hard to come by. I'm open to ideas.

Lost about L O S T

Before I start, I will be discussing Lost spoilers. If you plan on watching it, stop reading, because I'd feel like a right ass if I ruined it for you.

I finished Lost about 2 weeks ago. I haven't said anything much about it because I wanted to let it marinate. All 6 seasons in about a month. That's a ton of TV: 121 episodes at about 42 minutes each. There was good and bad to watching Lost like this. I could recall things that happened in prior seasons pretty easily. But I didn't give myself time to fully process each episode with a week's worth of reflection. This kept me from forming too many of my own theories; instead, I just processed what I saw. Now, that's not to say I didn't wonder about mysteries and twists. I just figured there was a master plan. How naive!

I'm going to flashback now, to a time when I was new to UNCW and Creative Writing. I was sitting in CRW 207, Intro to Fiction. On the first day, the TA, Tim, gave us a couple of rules: No killing, no dreams. The latter was about the cheesy/cliche/horrible/misleading/amateur "it was all a dream" trash. Just for emphasis, I'm going to repeat a few things. On my FIRST day of INTRO to Fiction, I was taught not to deceive my audience. Before I even put pen to paper for my first story, this is what I heard. Flash forward to a day or so after I finished. Imagine my dismay, after I got over the emotional high of the finale, when I realized what Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse had done. If I had followed the series from the start, I'd have been angry. Because what they did equates to waking up at the end of it all, and everything being OK. It's one of the cheapest tactics in storytelling. But they did it masterfully. Up until the reveal of what was actually going on at the church, Cuse and Lindelof were manipulating our emotions by showing us what these lives could've been if they hadn't crashed over the island. That first mega-episode of season 6 broke my heart. A lot. It hurt me to see John Locke again, but confined to that damn wheelchair. And that's what a lot of the flash sideways was, but never again to the same effect as that first episode. I wish I had recognized what they were doing while it was happening, but alas.

What gets me about the way it ended, was the way Cuse and Lindelof handled it. How did they handle it? Like dicks. They were smug about the lack of answers, about the mysteries left wide open. They implied the fans were stupid to have expected reveals. Excuse me? I was stupid for thinking that after you spent an entire season talking about how special Walt was that you might tell us what that was all about? We had some crazy guy screaming at Claire that she was the only one who could raise her baby. And then it's promptly forgotten a few seasons later. It just doesn't seem right to me to introduce mystery after mystery after mystery, and then scoff when the audience expects answers. And I don't need concrete explanations. I don't want things spelled out. That's one of the reasons I loved Inception: Chris Nolan didn't have to explain why certain rules existed, or why they could be broken, or how different levels worked. He gave us just enough to let us know that he knew. But these guys threw twist after twist after surprise after surprise with no real plan or over-arching theme or anything that resembles how you should go about something this intricate. Ever since I got over how rad lightsabers are, this has been my major critique of every last Star Wars movie: Lucas never planned things out. He made it up as he went, and Lost followed suit. Difference being, Lost's creators saw the nerd-rage focused at George once we wised up to the fact that he's a terrible writer and storyteller. And the thing is, they had time to figure all this out. By the middle of season 3, they'd been given an end date. They knew how many more shows they had left. But instead of looking back at the past seasons, at all the things they introduced, and seeing how they tie in together, and what ought to be explained and what left a mystery, they just kept on making it up as they went. (Oh, I don't in any way buy that they planned out the bodies in the cave. Especially since when Jack finds them in season 1, he says the decay on the clothes is somewhere around 40-50 years. When they flashback to that episode in season 6, they conveniently left that dialogue out.)

Good, I got the super-negative out of the way first. Mostly, anyways. I can't guarantee I won't spin-off into a long-winded rant about Jacob being an idiot without a plan or Ben being a better character without Jacob existing, or about how they just threw the whole science vs. faith out there, with nothing to really say about it, or how Sun told Claire a mother would never leave her child and promptly LEAVES HER CHILD and instead of knocking sense into her husband so he raises their daughter, lets him die with her. Ahem. For the first bunch of seasons, I want to say 1-3, character was ballin'. Between Sun and Jin's developments, Locke vs. Jack, the development of the Others, there was a ton to be excited about. Season 4 did some cool things, and had one of the greatest episodes in The Constant.

Season 5 introduced time travel, and I thought they handled it well. Daniel Faraday explained the rules to us, without going into the mystery of how the island was doing it, and it worked. The island all over time was rad, even if why it moved didn't fit with that (or why Jin was somehow within range but the helicopter wasn't). What confused me about it, though, was why Hurley thought to "fix" The Empire Strikes Back. Of all the movies needing improvement, that is one at the bottom of my list. If anything, fix Return of the Jedi. Regardless, they handled it well, and the idea that hopping through the timestream could kill you was a nice touch.

Obviously, I've got problems with the mystery aspect of the show. I stand by that I don't need my hand held, or everything explained. That sort of thing would've ruined the show. Just like too few answers ruined the show. It hurts to type that. But that's just the truth. The way the series ended keeps it from being great. I want to love the intrigue. I want to wonder about the mystery. But the ending said none of that matters. The ending said this is a show about characters, when in fact, only one character developed past where we met them. Sawyer in season 6 may as well have been Sawyer in season 1. Not necessarily a bad thing, until you remember the character he was in season 5. Kate was never allowed to be anything more than a reason for Jack and Sawyer to fight. Sayid just killed people, and loved Nadia (don't get me started on Shannon being with Sayid in the church). It's frustrating.

That one word describes my feelings on Lost: frustrating. It wouldn't have taken much. Every time these guys got together to plan out a season, come up with a few explanations. They don't need to be in the show, but knowing them informs your writing. But they didn't, and the show ended how it did. To hide their problems, they used the emotional pull of a reunion. And it worked. I cried. I was so glad to see everyone together again, even if it didn't make sense. When I stopped to look back at it, there were too many glaring problems. I want to love the show, and I think I can love about half of it. When I rewatch it, it'll be with a smarter eye and lowered expectations.

A Fool's Hope

If you ignore the 9/11 Responders heath care bill getting shot down, Google's and Verizon's shenanigans, and a whole bunch of other terrible political things, the past few days have been substantial steps forward. I'd say it even started a week or so ago, in California. Here's what you should know about me before going forward: I'm a registered Democrat, but I don't buy into every little thing they do. I have no problem dissenting from the party line. But I'm still a liberal. Mostly, because I also believe in a smaller government and less spending.

Proposition 19 will be on the California statewide ballot come November. What is Prop. 19? By golly, it's the Regulation, Control, and Taxation of Marijuana Act. It's about time a state put this up for a vote. California, along with the rest of the United States, is horribly in debt. That's no secret. But no one wants to pay more taxes. Legalizing pot is a way to produce revenue. If the rest of the country is anything like my group of friends, alcohol sales are enormous. But I know plenty of people who would much rather smoke a blunt, watch a movie, and talk then get hammered and vomit. I'm one of those people. It would mean revenue. It would mean more jobs, because someone has to farm it and sell it. It's a stimulated economy. On top of that, if marijuana is legalized, the drug cartels in Mexico start losing their power. Hopefully, that means less massacres along the border towns. But, it'd still be illegal under Federal law. Then it becomes a states' rights issue, and gets real attention. The key, though, is getting it passed in November. The joke is stoners are lazy and forgetful. Young too. But my age came out in full force to elect Barack Obama. When motivated, when the issue matters, we'll show up. And then we'll head to the local Mary Jane shop and spend our money on something that won't kill our livers or lungs.

Next up, New York City approved the building of an Islamic community center two blocks from Ground Zero. This in spite of politicians and people on both sides of the political divide coming out in opposition. The reasons given were varied: it'd be an insult to everyone who died in the attacks, we need to protect this country from the takeover of Muslims, it's too soon, etc. A friend has suggested that it'll be attacked by some crazies who believe in a different god. I agree with him, but I don't think that's reason enough to refuse it. Yes, there's a good chance some insane zealot will do something stupid and tragic. But are we really willing to deny freedom of religion for security? We've lost a ton of freedoms already under the guise of being more secure, but I don't buy it. Just because something MIGHT happen isn't enough. I stand by education as the way around a lot of these issues white Christians have with brown Muslims. The problem resides in the face that ignorance is paraded around by "politicians" and talking heads as something admirable. It's not, and the ignorant are bringing this country down by the head. No, Muslims have every right to build their community center wherever they want. Especially if the man behind it has a history of reaching out to people of other faiths in the spirit of bridging gaps. Frankly, for a country of immigrants, this shouldn't have been a big deal. Opponents are grouping nearly 1 billion people in with the extremists. As if Muslims didn't die in the attacks, which they did. More than 20 did, which is about .6%, which is about how many Americans identify as Muslim.

Back to California, a judge overturned Proposition 8, which barred same-sex couples from legally wedding. Nice, says I! Despite the United States' claim to equality and all the rest, it's always a struggle when a minority wants equal rights. It doesn't click though. There's no sense to it. The white majority likes to forget that whites weren't always the majority here. That once upon a time, we were immigrants, we were invaders to someone else's land. That 'Murica is made up of more than just white, straight, Christians men. And every once in a while, when another group wants to be treated the same, that majority gets in a tizzy. Watching pundits talk about it, it's gross. They take a moral high-ground, or say the courts are interfering, that marriage is a church thing, blah, blah, blah. It's all crap to hide bigotry, methinks. That may be generalizing, but what else am I to think? Gays, lesbians, and transsexuals are the other, the alien, the different. They're not "normal," even though homosexuality shows up in nature, making it NATURAL. These are the same arguments made against interracial marriage. They just replace one minority with another. Which is, I suppose, how bigotry works. But slowly, as per the usual, this new minority is getting equal rights. And that's awesome.

It's a fool's hope to think that things are getting better. Gay marriage will soon find itself in front of a conservative Supreme Court. California may find itself at odds with the federal government. And who knows what some sick individual will do to the Muslim community center (but I bet no one will call them a terrorist because they're white and God-fearing). But for right now, at least, things look better than they did last week.